Friday, May 08, 2009
Eli Manning Awkwardly Excuses Himself After Walking in on His Wife with Mark Sanchez
Eli Manning Awkwardly Excuses Himself After Walking in on His Wife with Mark Sanchez
By Sportspickle.com
By Sportspickle.com
New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning excused himself this afternoon upon coming home and finding his wife engaged in sexual relations with Mark Sanchez, the new quarterback of the New York Jets.
“I feel terribly guilty,” said Shelley Manning, Eli’s wife of one year. “I should have been more careful so that he couldn’t witness that. Eli is not mature enough to see such adult behavior. He still closes his eyes when he pees.”
Manning, who was dropped off at his home by his position coach after an afternoon of film study, bounded into his wife’s room to see if she wanted to watch his favorite film, “Cars” – only to receive a shock to his adorably naïve system.
“Miss Shelley ... what- what are you doing?” Manning stammered at the entrance to the bedroom, his Lightning McQueen sippy cup dropping to the floor. “Who is that man on you? Are you ... wrestling?”
“Oh, uhh ... hi, Eli,” said Sanchez, emerging from underneath the sheets. “This is weird. Very cool to meet you, man” he said, emerging naked from bed to shake Manning’s hand, sending a terrified Manning running into the closet. “I’m, umm .... Mark Sanchez? The new Jets quarterback? I was having some sex with Shelley here and, well ... what are you doing here?”
“Eli is my husband, Mark,” said Shelley, covering up before helping Eli out of the closet. “Legally. We’re husband and wife legally. It’s more of an arrangement with his parents. I’m a longtime family friend and I pretty much just keep an eye on him so he doesn’t hurt himself – make sure he brushes his teeth, make sure he doesn’t play video games in the bath tub, that sort of thing.”
Not wanting to cause a conflict, Manning quickly excused himself from the room, telling his wife and Sanchez that he was going to go color in the dining room. An hour later, Shelley Manning and the Jets draftee emerged from the bedroom and Sanchez went on his way.
Shelley Manning said she targeted Sanchez as soon as the Jets drafted him on Saturday.
“I am married to a famous New York quarterback, yes,” she said. “But no one knows what it’s really like, you know? It’s not ... it’s not a regular marriage, let’s just say that. I have needs. Basic human, carnal, sexual needs. And I wanted to know what it’s like to really be with a star New York quarterback in that way. I’m not going to apologize for it. And Mark Sanchez is simply an amazing looking man.”
After seeing Sanchez out, Shelly began her husband’s bedtime routine of a snack, story and prayers. And while he mentioned nothing about what he saw, Shelley knows Eli was upset by it.
“I put him to bed and then went out to the dining room to clean up his crayons,” she said. “He had drawn a picture of a quarterback in a Jets helmet wearing sweatpants and shooting himself in the leg. It was scary. And cute.”
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
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