Jets Players Cold-Calling

Jets Players Now Cold-Calling Strangers To Talk Trash
By The Brushback

NEW YORK--The brash, bold New York Jets have been talking trash with their opponents all season long, but now they seem to have taken their jawing to the next level. According to several reports from around the nation, Rex Ryan’s boys have been cold-calling total strangers to engage in smack talk with them.

Victims called in to sports-talk radio shows to report their experiences.

“I just got a call from some guy named Bart Scott,” said Susan Muldowney, 43, of King of Prussia, PA. “He was like, ‘Susan Muldowney? This is Bart Scott from the New York Jets.’ And I’m like ‘Yea?’ And he’s like ‘We’re the best team in football right now.’ And I’m like ‘Okay.’ And he’s like ‘You got a problem with that?’ And I’m like ‘I have something on the stove.’ And he’s like ‘It’s probably disgusting. I wouldn’t eat it if I was starving to death, bitch.’ Then he hung up on me.”

Muldowney called the encounter “a little annoying,” but admitted that she respected coach Rex Ryan for “changing the culture in the Jets locker room.”

Another victim, Eric Lynch, 33, of Sacramento, California, reported receiving a phone call from a man named Kerry Rhodes. According to Lynch, Rhodes called him “soft” and told him he would “rip his head off” if he ever came over the middle.

“I didn’t know what beef this guy had with me, but he was pissed, ” Lynch said. “He was like 'I'm coming after you, bitch! Ima knock your fucking head off!’ I was rather alarmed and threatened to call the authorities, but he said he would knock their heads off, too. Then when he found out I was from Sacramento, he was like, ‘Screw you, towel head. America rules!' That’s when I figured out who he was. Stupidity? Check. Confusion? Check. Testosterone-fueled rage? Check. Yea, this guy is an NFL player.”

One caller, a 66-year-old woman from Sterling Heights, Michigan who wished to remain anonymous, described a voice mail that Bart Scott left on her answering machine.

“He told me the Jets defense was going to break all my bones and then eat them and then shit them out and send the shit in a box to my mother and then go after her like a pack of wild dogs and rip the flesh off her bones and mix it in with the shit and make stew out of it and eat the stew,” the woman said. “I mean, that’s pretty harsh stuff, but as long as they can back it up on the field you can’t really criticize.”

When questioned about his players’ harassment of strangers, Rex Ryan said he had no problem with the practice as long as they “walked the walk” on Sundays.

“Hey, I don’t have a problem with it,” Ryan said. “We’re a confident bunch and we’re not afraid to throw down the gauntlet. Whether it’s an opposing team or some old lady on the phone, we’re not about to back down from anyone. You got a problem with that, faggot? I didn’t think so.”

Rhodes also refused to back down from his incendiary comments.

“I’m not backing down from nothing,” Rhodes said. “I meant what I said. We’re violent. We’re angry. But mostly importantly? We’re 3-1. Does anybody want to dispute that? Does anybody want to engage in some trash talking? Anyone? I didn’t think so. See, that’s why I have to resort to calling strangers on the phone. Everybody else is starting to get bored with this shit.”